Am I the only person that constantly gets asked this question? & constantly pulls this face?
This is me…. All.The.Time.
And even when I say I’d rather cut my foot off with a butter knife than not be able to drink for 9 months, go through the worlds most excruciating pain again, have minimal sleep for at least 2 years & then put up with bullshit attitude for the next 16 years they still give me a wink & reply..
“Oh you’ll go again I bet!”
In my head I’m thinking.. “Bitch the only thing I’ll go is you if you ever mention my vagina & babies coming out of it again”
I don’t know why people do this.. Is it because I’m 30 & a mother of 3? Is it another one of those judgy stigmas that comes with pumping a few out early in your adult life? Do they think that because I started young the only thing I’m good at is forgetting to take my birth control, having a few to many & forgetting to pull out? I’m not sure, but it shits me & they are wrong.
There is no part of me that yearns for another child. If I had 5 mill in the bank & men could give birth with no chance of me getting ass grapes, cracked nipples or missing 1 second of sleep, then my attitude might change. After I popped my stitches bending over 2 days after my 3rd child was born & had 3 strangers gawking at my vagina deciding how to fix it I knew I never wanted to be in this situation again.
The jump from 2 children to 3 is enormous. There is no down time until everyone is asleep & by then I’m so mentally, emotionally & physically fucked that all I want to do is sleep as well, after I’ve eaten the chocolate I hid earlier of course! I like to think of it as a present to myself for surviving another day. Sometimes I even go & sit next to my sleeping children while I eat it, this is the only time I actually feel like I’m in charge, I always end it with a Beyoncé type twirl & chest pump as I leave the room. The fact that this is how I get my kicks is evidence enough that my uterus is ready for retirement. I’ll never again have that delicious newborn smell in my life but I’ll also never have the horrid smell of prunes in my face as I force feed myself in the hope my bowels will magically open without me having to strain & my insides fall out.
I have dreams.. Dreams that don’t involve sterilising everything & keeping babies away from power sockets. Dreams of no longer being a walking handkerchief for toddlers. Dreams of spending the rest of my life with the beautiful trio I’ve already been blessed with. Dreams of giving them the best life I can without bringing a 4th into the mix & having to get my bus license. Dreams of doing something & being someone that they can be super proud of!
I am amazed that I’ve been able to grow & birth 3 healthy babies. It will always be my biggest & proudest accomplishment of my life. I even got a 9pounder out with no drugs.. I am fucking incredible. I love birth stories & I love babies.. Especially when neither of them are mine!
So please stop asking me this question! My vagina & I are very happy with where we are at right now.
FYI – Ass grapes is another word for hemroids & in my opinion, a much better way to describe them. These were the bane of my existence after every birth & I’ll never eat another grape for as long as I live. Although drinking them is another story 🙊