Sayonara soul suckers! Xx

What a beautiful sight this. 3 children, bags packed & sayonara my offspring for 6 whole hours. 360 minutes. 21,600 seconds. But who’s counting?!


Did they ask why I wanted to take a picture of them, backs turned & bags on? Of course they did. I told them it was so I could look at it when I missed them during the day. HA, lies! It’s no secret that I love “daycare day”, I even have a song that I sing to them about it that makes Master 10 giggle so hard. They know I love them, but they also know I love to see the back of them. It’s the only time I am EVER without 3 children, unless the Fathership is home & I sneak off to my friends house for 6 bottles of wine. Its a rarity for me to be offspring free, excuse me while I fucking love every second of it with no shame.
Thursday’s. My favourite day of the week. The day I get to drive around in the car with obscene music as loud as I like & no back seat DJ’s calling all the shots. No Wiggles, no Katy Perry & no Justice Crew.. It’s just Biggie & I busting out together. I’m a wigga from way back. Feel free to call me “Jessie from the block”. I see people look at me with my gangsta music on & this daggy white girl in her Mum-Mobile. 0 fucks my friends. Before I know it the backseat will be full & I’ll be zoning out to songs about loving watermelon & old MacDonald’s fucking farm.

On Thursdays I can eat my lunch in peace. No one wants to touch it, sniff it, steal it, half chew it & then decide they don’t like it & throw it away. It’s mine. I can even eat it while I watch my trashy reality TV… Unless of course they’ve taped over it with Ben 10, Peppa Pig or something equally infuriating. Fucks. Me. Off. Even more so because they tape over my stuff but leave the few things the Fathership records. Bastards.. Literally. Unwed & unbothered. The only difference between my relationship right now & being married is a ring, last name & $20,000 debt.

Daycare day I try to make shopping day. Whenever I go to the supermarket alone I find myself wandering around the aisles excitedly exploring like I’m walking around the back streets of Italy & taking in a whole new world. Sometimes I even stand there for 5 minutes & decide between 2 different brands instead of just grabbing whatever is closest & mumbling threats under my breath to my children, with a teeth clenched smile to show the world I’m in control of this circus. Blind Freddy could see that I’m not. I get excited when I get to go to the shops by myself. The 17 year old me would punch me in the face if she saw how I get my kicks these days.

I always have all of these plans to conquer the world for my 6 childless hours but it usually just ends with me on the couch, no pants on, doing fuck all. I rinsed the same load of washing that’s been in there since Tuesday but it’s yet to find its way to the clothesline. I’m hoping the longer I leave it there, it’ll grow legs & sort itself out. I know something will grow but legs are unlikely. After staying up way past my bed time last night, 10pm (again – 17 year old me would be ashamed), waking to a threenager at 1am & being woken at 5am by Master 10 who has no idea how to be fucking quiet.. I am tireder than usual. I’m not even sure tireder is a word, I’m that tired. I managed to get meatballs done for dinner that are gourmet but will be met with “Yuk, ew, what’s that?”. They have to be super cautious & picky in case I try & poison them with something foreign, like feta. I love that they can never find their belongings but they can find a tiny piece of feta in a meatball. & by love I mean loath with every tired bone in my body. If you don’t eat what I serve then you go to bed with an empty tummy & a Mother who, again, gives 0. I used to cook individual meals until I realised I’m not a fuckwit.

Master 10 has social group this afternoon. I’m not a huge fan of after school shit, by the time I get lunch boxes sorted & the homework argue over its almost tea time. Happy to have my weekends filled up with extra-curricular craptivities but after school is no deal. Especially when I’m riding solo. BUT he loves social group & is so lucky to have a spot so I drag us there & let the kids play in the park while I sit on my phone & get judged by the Judgy McJudgersons. Again, 0.00000.

Thursday is almost over which means so is my sanity. I always miss my babies by the time I need to pick them up but that usually lasts about 4 minutes until they start whinging, fighting, shit stirring & general bullshit. They have no idea. They’ve only felt the tip of life’s dick. Dramatic Master 7 told me this morning that he’s had a rough week because he hasn’t kicked many goals at play time. I’m not under mining how he feels at all but unless you’ve been bleeding from your genitals, riding the emotional rollercoaster of womanhood & in charge of keeping 3 people alive, then we just can’t relate. Sorry son.. In keeping with today’s theme, I give 0.

It’s collection time. Fuck my life. Those 21,600 seconds went way to fast.

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