Yesterday I cried over an omelette.
Why you ask? So did the Fathership
24 hours later, so am I.
I still don’t know but as the Fathership says, I was “having a moment”. They aren’t unusual for me. Unfortunately for him that moment turned into 60 moments & I walked around with a face like a smacked ass for an hour.
I’ve been known to cry at In the Night Garden when Upsy Daisy gets a mucky patch so tears don’t surprise my family. Or friends for that matter. I’m a cryer, sue me!
But I know these tears confused the Fathership. Understandably.
I always say I don’t want much for Mothers Day & materialistically I don’t, but I wouldn’t object to a full piece marching band & parade down my street in honour of my existence.
Instead I got an omelette.
An omelette that I requested.
In the comfort of my bed.
And two coffees.
After I calmed down, we had a chat. A few times I felt like we were conversing from different planets. Mars & Venus. But we came to the conclusion that sometimes I want to be surprised. There is a lack of that in my life due to my need to be in charge. Being a single child who is also a Leo is not easy for either of us. He enlightened me to the fact that he’s not a mind reader, which fucked me off, how much easier our lives would be if they were.
I want him to take the reigns. To shock me. To tell me what the fuck to do. But only when I’m in the mood for that of course.
If that’s not a head fuck then I don’t know what is.
Sometimes I’m the balls of this relationship. Ok, more than sometimes. I am a control freak. I like to know where every dollar goes. I worry about everything. & then I wonder why I feel like my head is going to explode some days. I am a giant hairy ballbag of micro managing. The poor man doesn’t know who he is dealing with most days. Heck, even I don’t know who I’m dealing with most days. I feel for him, yeah we both put up with each others shit, but he’s so much more tolerant of my shit than I am his.
Anyway, this morning I woke up at 8.12am. The house was eerily quiet. The Fathership was not next to me. My first thought was that he’s realised I’m a nut case after 14 years & done a runner. I panicked, he’s gone & there’s 18 minutes until school starts. I raced to the kitchen to find both boys dressed & lunches made. Ready to go! The threenager looked beautiful & her hair was done. That alone is usually a 2 hour job for the Fathership.
Good morning fanny flutter.
He then told me, in no uncertain terms, to get ready because we were going out for breakfast. He was dropping the boys off at school & I was to be ready when he got home.
I did something I’m not very good, I shut the fuck up, nodded my head & followed my orders to the tune of Funky Cold Medina playing in my head.
I feel like tonight will be a horizontal tango kind’a night.
I am going to work on taking a step back. On letting go of feeling like I need to control everything because I don’t. I need to let him feel like he has more control. He needs to work on talking to me more about how he’s feeling. I need to work on talking to him less about how I’m feeling. Somewhere in the middle would be ideal.
We will get there. We’ve gotten through tougher things than this before.
I am very lucky. He is very good to us & I love him very much.
Most of the time.