Saving my sanity. 

This morning I woke up & for the second morning in a row, I felt like shit. I didn’t want to deal with the day.It all felt too hard. 5 days of menstruating will do that.

I wanted to be saved from my responsibilities.

From what I felt like was important for a successful day.

I didn’t want to argue with my boys about getting out of bed & the importance of school.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to hound them about their homework. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to sacrifice my soul just to get the threenager to eat breakfast.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to do the dishes that looked like they’d mated & reproduced triple of everything overnight.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to worry about the huge washing pile, that smelt slightly pissy because my dogs a cunt.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to deal with the housework that no one but me seems to give a fuck about.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to get on the phone to the Fathership & tell him that this swing is sucking hairy ball sacks. He doesn’t need or deserve that again.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to acknowledge that my fridge is not working properly, again.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to wrack my brain wondering how the fuck I’ll afford another enormous fridge without maxing out the credit card.. So I didn’t.
I didn’t want to feel like shit.. But I did.
Something had to give.. And it did. Only because I let it.

I had to do something for me.. So I did.

I had a very peaceful morning watching my boys get ready for school at their own pace.
No growling. No arguing. No stress.

It’s their problem. Not mine.

I was happy to carry them out of their beds, in their pjs & drop them off. 0.

The choice was theirs.

And they were ready 10 minutes earlier than usual.

I hugged them & told them what a nice morning it had been. They agreed. And gave me a second cuddle.

We said our goodbyes & the Threenager & I headed to the beach. Fresh, salty air was needed.
We bought hot chocolates on the way. With extra marshmallows.

And we sat on the beach, drinking them & making necklaces with her bead box that she’s been asking me to help her with for days.

But I hadn’t, because everything else felt more important. Like little boys who don’t like school, dirty dishes, pissy washing piles, never ending housework & dodgy fridges. Fuck you Samsung.

And then we came home & made chocolate chip cookies.
After pushing the dirty dishes aside of course.

Before cuddling up on the couch, amongst the mess, to watch “Twinkerbwelle”. Her favourite.

And fuck it felt really good.
I highly recommend it.

The most successful day I’ve had in yonks.

Nothing is more important than my sanity.

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